Marshall Rhapsodizes on Recent Events

So one of our heroes, the (rap) Bard Marshall has been keeping his own notes on the events of the last two sessions. I thought I would include them here as its illustrative of how the players experienced the sessions as well as fairly humorous.

Marshall is beginning to feel like a Rap Bard...

Session One: Stuff Happens
On their way into town, the five adventurers encountered a group of goblins, led by a mail clad fiend, Toerde Furguson.  Immediately prior to combat, the Toerde fled to the city of Solace. They gobos were dispatched with quickly, thanks in large part to Solaire's magic boom stick.  After the combat, the group headed towards the tavern at which they had all agreed to meet.  There, Marshall learned from the busty young bar maiden, that the sixth companion, whom both Solaire and Brevofurgins had each apparently had their way with, was not coming.  She had pledged her sword to some silly 'king' of some sort; one whom she was most likely controlling with her mystical lady parts. After feeling out the scene, the group learned that the town had been overtaken by the dubious Seekers, who had placed a turd with a silly name that started with an 'H' the leader of the town.  This same turd, the group learned, had hired a band of goblin ruffians to 'keep the peace.' This silly Seeker man happened to be at the same tavern that very night! He was not the only interesting character there, however.  Two Plainsfolk huddled in the corner caught the eye of Salvin Dragonfucker.  After he gave them the third degree, they told him about a blue magik staff they had found; they were convinced it had something to do with the old gawds, and they asked that our group escort them to the city of Haven. At about the point in time some drunk old man stood up and started spewing about gods doing magikal things.  Immediately, the drunk Seeker-man got up and screamed at the old drunk, using a bunch of unkind language, and called for his goblin police to arrest the herritec immediately.  Not liking any of that, Brevofudgkins stood up and murdered the man in cold blood.  Right in front of everyone.  Like some maniac, with no regard for 'law,' 'rules,' 'social mores,' 'decency,' or anything of the sort. As you can immagine, that didn't go over too well.  While no one was too hip on the idea of the Seekers controling everything, they were quite shocked.  At about the same time his body hit the floor, the goblin police broke down the door, and combat ensued.  After handling the gobos fairly handily, the group, along with the Pocahontas and Geronamo, left the tavern through the 'backdoor,' a rope ladder behind the bar. As they made their way down, they saw hundreds of torches in the night. Realizing the Toerde had rallied his troops to capture the group.  They decided immediatly to sneak outta town.  Solaire took the shape of a giant spider and took to the treetops to navigate the best route. He lowered a rope of silk to guide his commrades.  However, Grundlesnatch, the only one in the group that could not see in the dark, who somehow owned zero torches, tripped on a rock and then Solaire shat his pants.  The goblins of course heard the racket, and pounced.  Grundlesnatch found himself completely useless as combat commenced, as I'll say again, he HAD ZERO TORCHES. At first the heroes seemed out matched; they took fairly large amounts of initial damage, and Marshal was set ablaze! Oddly enough, however, this provided plenty of light for Grundle to operate.  The tides quickly turned, and the gobos were dispatched.

Session Two: Even More Things Transpire
The group found itself in the aftermath of the goblin attack in the forest.  After initial healing, they set out immediately. Heading north, as it was the quickest way outta town, they traveled several hours to put some distance between them and the gobos.  The group camped at midnight, and woke up around 8 am.  However, Grundlesnatch sneakily asked for last watch; but he did no watching. He spent the first part of his watch reading the book, 'The Game;' learning the ins and outs of tricking women into sleeping with you. He forsook the safety of his commrades in order to search the prairies for eggs and wheat.  Used the remaining hour and a half to grind the wheat into flour, made batter, relit the campfire, and made pancakes.  As the group rose, Grundle serves these cakes to Princess Pocahooters, and of course did not make enough for everyone. Meanwhile, Marshall decided to implement the D.E.N.N.I.S. System in an effort to woo Pocahooters; and is deep in the process of Demonstrating Value.  Soon he will move on to the second leg of the system, Engaging Physically. After Grundle sufficiently pissed off the rest of the group, they set out on the road to Haven. After hours of travel, while making their was through the Gingerbread Pass, the group was approached by a group of wayward zealots. Expecting the worse, several members of the party took up strategic positions, while Marshall stepped forward to serve as the Mouth of Sauron.  They spouted off some garbage about a blue staff being stolen from their monestery, and needing it to heal their sick friend.  Knowing this was most likely 100% BS, Marshall denied having any knowledge of the blu staff, and the monks revealed themselves as hideous lizard men. Immediately, Marshall cast a devastating spell on the group of Lizard men, that would have been super effective had he not tripped, and let down his guard, losing concentration on the spell.  However, although the lizard men were a group of hotshot army men, they stood no chance.  Soon, one by one, the lizard men fell. However, as they did, they turned into grotesque statues, trapping any weapon whose weilder was too slow and clumsy to move out of the way.  Of course Grundlesnatch lost his silver glaive in this manner... No worries, however, as the stone lizard men quickly whithered to dust. After dispatching with the lizard men, the group completed their journey towards the city of Haven. Their the group found thousands of refugees surrounding the Capital. After speaking with them, they learned that there were several armies roaming the country side, forcing them to flee. They also learned that the city was closed, but the Council members of the city were searching for a blue staff, that supposedly would save them all!  However, distrusting the Seekers, and not wanting to reveal the fact that they in fact had the blu staff, the silver tongued rap bard, Marshall, weaved his word webs, the guards gladly let them in. Upon entrance to the city, the group found plenty more refugees.  Wanting to gather more info, they headed to the nearest tavern.  There, they met Henry and Jewse, who, after some discussion, told them that if they meet them later at Grubb's Tavern, they will them them where the treasure is buried. They also told the group that it was common knowledge that the Kights of Solomi had fallen, and the blu staff was Haven's only hope.  Hearing this, the group ventured to the center of the city, searching for the council. Under the guise of offering the council their services to find the blue staff, the group learned the coucil's plan to trade the staff to the Lizard Folk in exchange for their guranteed safety. Not liking what they heard, they searched for another opinon.  The oldest man on the council, Elron Hubbard, obviously did not agree with the council's plans, and suggested that they should investigate the sunken city of Zak and Sarah to learn more of the staff.  The group agreed.  However, it was suggested that they take a shortcut through the Darkened Wood, as there were regular patrols of Lizard Men on the roads. Most of the way through the Wood, the group was waylayed by SPECTORS! Speaking in some odd language the group could not understand, they attacked! Immediately, after an inniatial bear attack by Solaire, the group learned that only magik and silver weapons would deal with these ghosties. Marshall did a fair amount of damage with his magikal prose, and the rest of the party brought the beatdown with the silver.  However, the ghosts let fly a volley of spectral fists upon Silvan, beating the tar out of him.  Brevofartkins then realized that he actually understood the ghostmen.  They stated that if we meant no evil, we should sheath our weapons and submit to them.  Brevo was very eager to submit, and convinced his comrade to do so as well.  Unlikely as it seemed, this coarse of action worked! While speaking with the ghosties, the group learned of their interest in the blue staff and revealed the fact that they had it.  The ghosties implored them to follow them deeper into the wood, and the group did so.